I Am Not Your Expectations

"I am not in this world to live up to your expectations and you are not in this world to live up to mine."  Bruce Lee

Finding work in this land of opportunity is much harder than I thought!  But luckily for me, I start my very first job in the United States in the morning, today August 19, 2013, exactly 2 months after I became a permanent resident.  I am super super excited and very optimistic about  the opportunity and all the new things I will learn and experience in this job.  Those who know me knows that I live for new experiences.

I have not worked since July 2010, so you can only imagine how anxious I am to see a check with my name on it.  I think I will literally kiss the ink off of it!

This is a job I never dreamed I would be doing, especially here in New York City, but it is one of the very first things I can remember wanting to do as a child.    I started growing impatient after sending  out literally hundreds of resumes to corporate America.  I forwarded it to pretty much everybody in my social circles, networked on LinkedIn and signed up with too many Staffing Agencies, all of which produced no fruits.  Strictly insurance companies respond to me.   I find that quite hilarious since they consider me uninsurable  yet they try to convince me that I would make a great sales agent for their products.   Ah, the irony! Lol! They take corporate greed to a whole new level.

The more rejections I got, the more I started realizing that maybe I should start thinking outside the box...or maybe I should just remove the box all together.  So in the wee hours of the morning (6:45 am) on July 31, I responded to a Craigstlist ad for a Natural Hair Stylist at a salon in the Bronx.  To be very honest, I didn't expect a response, so I was pleasantly surprised when my Blackberry started buzzing at 6:59 am and it was  an email response from the salon trying to set up an interview for the following week!  I don't think I slept that night.

The morning of August 5,  I woke up at 8:50 am - 50 minutes after my alarm went off.  I did not hear a thing!  I didn't fall asleep until about 3:00 am.  This bed in the basement of my Aunt's house that I have made mine for the last three years, has become so uncomfortable that a decent night's sleep is a luxury. I have spent so much time in this bed that there is a huge dent the shape of my body in the mattress that makes my nights restless as hell.  But despite my lack of sleep, I was able to pull myself together, google what people wear to salon interviews, map out the route, and walk into the salon just in time!

I put more effort than normal into my hair, make-up, all black outfit and statement silver jewelry.  When I looked into the mirror I was pleased and felt good about myself.   I rushed through the door without breakfast, knowing that everything was going to be ok.  I polished my nails and rocked to some conscious reggae music in my headphones while I waited for the Metro North train at the Hartsdale station.  At 12:32 pm I bounced into the salon and announced my arrival with a cheery "Good Afternooon!"  that was returned with the same enthusiasm by a dark maybe 40-something year old Lady busy washing the dreadlocks of a middle aged gentleman.

"You're Zara?"  she asked with a warm smile.

"I sure am!"  I replied confidently, liking the sound of my name rolling off her tongue.   I knew then that I was in the right place.  It was a very informal interview that ended with a big hug.  I was sold on her vision for her salon. The vibes felt calm and natural and I could immediately see myself working there.  She was understanding of my need to have time for dialysis treatments and at one point in the conversation where I got very emotional talking about my hair loss after chemo she gave me a big hug and told me everything was going to be alright.  It felt genuine and reassuring.  Thank you Alicia!  She said she like my vibes and attitude and invited me back for a second interview the following Monday for some training.  I left the salon feeling great and really optimistic about starting a totally new path.

As waited for the Metro North to return home, I decided to return a missed call to a very good friend of mine in Brooklyn.  He is much older than I am and I have a lot of respect and admiration for him.  I was excited to share the good news about the interview with him and he was excited to hear about it.  However, when I started explaining that it was for a hair stylist position, even though he said nothing, I heard all the enthusiasm drain from his being.  He said: "At least you find something to do."  The disappointment in his voice was so obvious that I couldn't pretend not to notice.

"You sound disappointed?  Skeptical? Something? What is it?  Say it."   I said.

He chuckled, "No, it's just that you are so smart and so educated, that you are not supposed to be comfortable with a job like that.  And society is going to look at it like......."

I cut him off! I didn't want to hear what society is going to think of my decision to learn to do hair instead of sitting home in my Aunt's basement for another year waiting for Corporate America to call me  so that I can prove to them that my Management Diploma, Bachelors of Psychology and Masters Courses are worth a damn.

What do you think?  Should I wait to wear a suit? What would you have done?

I have to get some sleep.  It's going to be a long first day tomorrow.  To be continued.......

xoxo
Zara

Strength, Beauty and Resilience...Life is in full bloom!

This morning I went outside to water my small container garden. I was pleasantly surprised that my rose bush was in bloom!



I am very fond of the plants in my garden.  But this rose-bush is particularly special to me.  Like all my other plants, it has a story.  It was bought as decoration for the family's barbecue in celebration of Tshara's graduation from Scarsdale High School in June.  It was a small pot with about 6 dwarf Canadian rose bushes in full bloom in a heavenly yellow hue.  The day it came, I took a long moment just admiring its beauty as the center piece on the dinning room table.  I had to touch it to make sure it was real. Then weeks later, I went outside to have a telephone conversation on the back deck and there it was - wilted and dry - and put outside to die.  My heart bled.  I really have a hard time watching living things die unnecessarily, so I gathered up the pot and did a thorough inspection.  There wasn't a drop of moisture in the soil and only a total of about 5 leaves were on the plants. That was enough for me to decide that at least one of the bushes could be saved.

 
I carried it to my garden and introduced it to the other healthy plants hoping that it would be inspired to stay alive.  I placed it amongst them and watered it religiously every morning.  I spoke words of encouragement to it daily and added fertilizer to its water.  Then slowly, but surely I started seeing baby leaves emerging on 2 of the stalks that were left.  I was overwhelmed!  Then to my dismay they fell off again.  I continued to shower them with love and I was pleasantly rewarded again with another set of foliage.  This time the growth was continuous and steady and it once again bestowed its beauty upon me this time with a brand new yellow flower.

I also discovered today that my okra and tomato plants are in bloom as well.  Life is in Bloom! I realized how much I revered these plants  for their simple knowledge of their purpose. They know that their sole purpose is to produce flowers and fruits for the world.  They do not ponder or worry about how the world uses their produce.  They just provide it.  No matter where or in whose garden they find themselves, as long as they are alive and healthy, we are sure to receive their gifts.

 

Like the rose bush, the forces of nature have come together time and time again to ensure that I stay alive and well.  Every day I experience intense feelings of gratitude and wonder that bring me to tears. Very frequently in the most inappropriate places like on buses, trains, taxis, standing in line at the pharmacy or at a doctors appointment I would just start crying.  Not out pain or sorrow, but a joy and peace so deep and powerful whenever I remember what I have overcome or when I recognize that my journey, as long and tiresome as it feels, it is only just beginning.  And I guess you can imagine that I have a difficult time trying to convince unsuspecting by-standers that I'm o.k., I'm just happy.

This Canadian rose-bush in my garden, as small and insignificant as it may seem to most, serves  as a source of inspiration for me...that it is possible to overcome dire circumstances and still fulfill your purpose in this life.  I look at the rose and I see its strength, beauty and resilience.



I became a permanent resident on June 19, 2013. Never in my wildest imaginations did I ever think that I would one day be  living in New York.  Ever.  Since then I have been haunted by the knowledge that  I am alive for a purpose.  But what exactly is it?  What am I here to give to the world?"

The truth is, we all have a purpose or something to give to the world. Have you figured out what your life's purpose is yet?


Zara ~xoxo~